Welcome Weary Traveller
Posted at 10:20 AM

If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here for vexation, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek an adventure, may my stories lull you away to blissful escape.
If you need to try or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All entries reveal perfection, by what they are, or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages, or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.

Join me as I battle my nemesis, melancholy with my philosophies and unaltered passions. I still have much creativity and inspiration to share, and I hope my words, my nightmares, and my ephemeral illusions will allow you to relate. Perhaps something will linger with you ... even if it's just briefly.

And so, let’s hear you rant & rave. Know me better, visit 100 Oceans, sign my guestbook, make a comment, or email me at darkwinter@immortal.com.
I would love to hear your lurid sighs of pleasure, your lucid whimpers, your resonating screams of ire and or vexation, your subtle gasp of content. Let me hear you, or better yet, don’t let me hear you. Let me see for myself in your eyes, your own experiences of love, anger, folly, and bliss.

Until then…

Posted at 05:37 PM

ask me again when your ready. by then i'll be ready with my answer.

Posted at 07:46 PM

i love saturdays!
admin work and less calls.

going back, i spent last wednesday doing retail therapy with
my angel, alex and ended up getting 2 pairs of boots from zara.
my little sprite enjoyed her regular jollibee , timezone time and toy kingdom visit.

money spent during bouts of depression, something to brood on.
time spent with your little tyke, priceless.

Posted at 08:44 PM

it really doesn't matter,
what you've said, what you've already done
to get rid of the things that could embroil conflict in your life.
it really doesn't matter.
it doesn't matter how many times you've said no,
how many times you say you can't,
'cause it all boils down to when it would stop.

maraming makulit sa mundo.
kahit ilang beses mong sabihin na "iba na ngayon,"
"hindi na pwede," wala kang magagawa dahil hindi mo hawak ang lahat.
kusa na lang silang mawawala, maglalaho pag sila na mismo ang
naka-isip na, "oo nga, iba na nga ngayon."
ako, basta't hindi ako nagkulang sa pag-papaalala;
iikot pa rin ang mundo ko.

--
malapit na ang birthday ni alex.
maraming nagpapakita.
maraming nagpaparamdam.
pero kahit isa lang,
siya lang,
masaya na kami ni alex.

--
ano bang bago? hmm... namasyal kami ni alex. madami na siyang na-add sa vocabulary niya. "mall, higa, lika, come, daddy ko, let's go, faster. "
mag-papari na pala si bunso. nalulungkot ako. pero masaya ako para sa kanya kasi yun ang gusto niya noon pa lang.
bakit ba ang daldal ko ngayon? ewan ko ba. ang dami-dami ko kasing iniisip. mababawasan nanaman kami sa office. madami nananaman aalis. maraming hindi na masaya. (ako ba masaya pa?)
natapos ko na pala ang unang newsletter ng process namin. sana perfect din tulad namin ni derrick. hehehe!

Guilded Child
Posted at 07:53 PM

i desire the shuffling of feet,
ears strained to discern it, ineffable as it may seem.
i desire to see that face grinning from ear to ear,
words blaring, "Mum, Mum!"
i hold on to every moment, consuming its every essence,
hoping; knowing that there will always be enough to inspire me
through the day.

alex is turning 2!
sometimes i look back and think,
i'm not even the same person anymore...
... i'm happier, complete.
but i know that nothing would ever make me blase'.
i'm an unfathomable well when it comes to my child's happinness.
she is my candle in the dark,
my happinness wrapped in a tender, fragile present.

Posted at 11:47 AM

Something that made me think these past few days...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~Marianne Williamson,
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", 1992
(commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela, 1994 inauguration speech)

===

ok, naked truth! i'm getting pissed these past few days.
pissed about yahoo photos closing, pissed about not being able
to brush up on my reading, pissed about working all day and
not being able to spend time with alex, pissed about other people
being oblivious to other people's needs, pissed about almost
everything! my life would be for the dogs if it weren't for my little
angel. i just wanna go "blah" 'coz there really isn't anything left
for me to do.

continued...

perfect
Posted at 05:37 PM

i believe there is such a thing as perfect.
it is up to you if you want to take a hold of it,
if you want to experience it,
if you want to keep it...

Dry
Posted at 08:49 PM


i've contemplated on how to verbalize
the unfathomable feeling one gets
when you talk of your great loves lost.
... an affliction of a writer, who analyzes emotion
to make it fit into a puzzle like a a long forgotten piece,
and and exhales with a heavy breath thankful for the solution.
often, i ruminate trying to answer lingering questions;
deaf, mute on guessing what's the final step one has to take.
it's a thousand mirrors, falling from the sky,
shattering into tiny needles that coax the inevitable truth.
other times it's the parchment torn from a
well-loved book, sheets fully cherished and touched
with the breath of a hushed soul, pages
brown and old while the mind that loved them slowly
disintegrates into a limbo of kisses and tears.

--

the reason why we should refrain from saying i love you

so why do we say it?
do we say it just for the sake of hearing it reverberate back
but with less passion and truth?
do we say it because we're in this rigid viscious cycle wherein
one has to give in and the other, hold back?

plainly i should dismiss such thoughts but my monsters
keep on visiting my bedchamber, screaming and bantering for
answers.
.... is it that we just want to reassure our oursleves,
and simply uttering them would hopefuly bring back the old feelings?

Posted at 08:28 PM

do words really have to be uttered to know their essence?
do tears have to be shed to know pain?
do you have to be a different person in front of others,
to keep up a facade, to say that you are still you?

i do not need pity, just understanding.
i do not need nurturing, just a little love.

===

hay! stress, stress, stress! buti na lang i have alex.