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Entries for September, 2004September 2, 2004Posted at 12:24 PM Life is but a weary whiff of melancholy, and a glimpse of slow liquid dreams waitng beyond...before the inevitable end ~darkwinter Underneath by Hanson Wakin' up this mornin' thinkin' this can't be real They say there is nothin' love can't heal Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel Just sittin' all alone in this place Even though we're here face to face There is nothin' gone, but there's somethin' wrong Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath And you're makin' it hard to breathe Take a look around and tell me what you see You'll find me underneath Said, underneath Y eah Now, I know what to say, but don't know where to begin I fear I'm losing you beneath my skin What is the resolution for this pain that I'm in Is sittin' all alone in this place Even though we're here face to face There is nothin' gone, but there's somethin' wrong Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath And you're makin' it hard to breathe Take a look around and tell me what you see You'll find me, yea, underneath You're gonna find me underneath woah woah woah woah If only you could feel what I dream Then maybe you could hear what I mean There is nothin' gone, but there's somethin' missin' Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath And you're makin' it hard to breathe Take a look around and tell me what you see You'll find me, yea, underneath Said, you'll find me underneath Said, underneath Said, underneath  September 2, 2004
Euphoria
Posted at 12:32 PM  The sky clears. The saturated smoke bubbles have wept their final tear. The sun splits the vast blue bowl and the sun-god rides his golden chariot. Apollo smiles ineffably. She cannot fathom his stare today. He extends his hand to claim his beauty, to ride off into infinity, off into a world where there will be no promises, no expectations, just bliss. Will she indulge? She smiles. Again, with that enigmatic expression. No time. No space. And he sings, like a troubadour elated with life. Beauty queen of only eighteen She had some trouble with herself He was always there to help her She always belonged to someone else I drove for miles and miles And wound up at your door I've had you so many times but somehow I want more I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved She will be loved Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore It's not always rainbows and butterflies It's compromise that moves us along M My heart is full and my door's always open You can come anytime you want I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved She will be loved And She will be loved And She will be loved I know where you hide Alone in your car Know all of the things that make you who you are I know that goodbye means nothing at all Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful She will be loved Please don't try so hard to say good bye. Queer creature. Your every move fascinates me, more everyday since the last time I saw you. Your words burn, but you care not for mortal toil. To you, the only time is now. No contemplations about the past nor hopeless illusions of what might be. You are an intolerable pleasure -- the most fascinating thing I've ever met. You are new to me and I, new to you. My ignorance amuses me. September 6, 2004
Chaos
Posted at 10:50 AM We went to Grilla, Rockwell last Saturday after our team mopped Inphonic's ass in the game of ball and hoops. Drowning myself in booze, I let the magic concoction heal my weary spirit. It's been a long time since I went out and drank that much with my friends. Jinggay was in her phunatik little self, while Eric and Dianne, although they arrived a little later still had their share of fun from the little event. It was enlightening to hear Mr. Carpio's philosophical views while it was equally amusing to hear Rex rant about the game where he played Richard-Goma-is-that-you? Mark A., January, Lod, and Merry and her beau made it to Grilla before 10pm. It was a good thing too. That's minus 1G from our tab thanks to Mr. Avestrus. It's a swell adonis couldn't make it coz he has work. Miss you, seat-mate! More to come... September 7, 2004
After The Rain
Posted at 02:36 PM  yosi break. Ang takaw!!!  Hehehe! I found out this morning that I have a neighbor in the office. *nudges flamingbullet*. Plus, I officially have 2 yosi buddies. Thanks to Gaye Pinoy and Marvin Tolentino a.k.a. NivramOnitnelot.  All is well, except for a few set-backs. I really have to find a new pad with Jinggay. All the happenings in my life's going loco! ================================================ Where are you, my fair Apollo? It seems that time has again been taken away from us. I will have to consume my dream as marbles are carved, And just hope that no weather will grow moss upon your pallid face. I miss his smile. September 8, 2004
Perfect Mirror
Posted at 07:51 AM  Some days you feel yourself bursting with happiness, you feel beauty, you feel peace, tranquility in this benign swirl. But fate delights a lot in tempting something too much and then frustrate it. If I could, I would choose to be encased in this single drop of time -- freezing time in a perfect mirror, as Baudelaire would have put it. Much as I am afraid to suffer, I long to see that perfect little life once more. A thousand years of it would not have made me blase'. Where are you? Where are you as these trembling hands impatiently tap on these hardened keys? I know you are asleep. Quietly waiting for the most abject situation to rouse from slumber. Sometimes I think I was never ready for your -- that the stars never conspired for our meeting to spark. That it was just fascination and the queer torture of being so comfortable. If I look into those ever-smiling orbs, will I see honesty? Or will you just ridicule my inquiring gestures like you always do? I wonder... ================================================ Allies: Chris: Do not misconstrue those things that I said. Nothing else would sadden me more than to lose your friendship.  It was just spoken in passing. No mixed sarcasm. Dino: Yeah! I started smoking again. Ycko: GY na ako. Huhuhu! ================================================ Excepts From Play: Hundun sent these pictures taken during last weeks sportsfest. Indulge!  NSI Basketball Team! Champion!  Ang guguwapo ng boys namin no?!  Power serve from January.  Thorn among roses.   Lacs trying to relax.  Cute talaga ni Sir Pat!   Myls and Rex! Bagay ba?!  Para kanino kaya yan?  Service from NSI Volleyball Boys and Belles.  Camwhores ito!   Magpa-cute lang!   Katawan pa lang, ulam na!  Anne Rice's Blood Canticle A Perfect Circle's 3 Libras September 9, 2004 Posted at 02:56 PM I feel sad. The freezing temperature seems to bow in affirmation as melancholy fills my little station. My older brother already told mom about the unfortunate incident last night. The blank expression emanating from her face and her trying to change topics every minute evidently reflects her dismay. 3 friends tried to console me with lights this morning. I hate Lucy (sometimes). He doesn't even think of the gravity of the situation. Argh! *plants mental viscious kicks in his face* All this, and mom's birthday is on Friday! So guys, remember to use your grey mater whenever you think of indulging on fleeting pleasures which produce lumps the next day. I got a normal rest day schedule but it's a GY shift. I still rock! But it saddens me that one of my friends quit her job due to frustration. This makes me miserable. Love ko pa naman itong batang ito. Sigh! I also feel bad that I wasn't able to lend an ear yesterday when Rex was feeling a little down in the dumps. It's prolly a good thing. Baka mag-tawanan lang kami. Ma-feel pa niyang di ako sincere. Naks! Si phunatik, halos di ko nakausap buong shift. My mind was fleeting from Lucy, to Demigod, to feeling sorry for myself. Life sucks! I got a chance to talk to cyrrem_chreez this morning. Happy ako. We're like cream and coffee again! Okay na rin kami ni Miss Thing. Got a chance to puff smokes with her during yosi break. It's a good thing that she doesn't let herself get affected by rumors ('coz that's what I've been striving to do, ever since these cotton-mouths have been spreading gossip like herpes). Mukhang magiging masaya ang GY shift next week. There is a God! Lit's Miserable September 10, 2004
Argh!!!
Posted at 02:03 PM This sucks! This sucks! This sucks! I'm puffing more smokes than what I originally took before I quit last April! Argh! Lucy is making my life shitty with his juvenile sulking! Harumph! This sucks! This sucks! This sucks! It's mom's birthday and of all the days to make that request, you choose today! Today! My sis has been sending me messages full of vexation. We're in the same boat, dear. I can't handle any frustrations anymore, if there are more to come in the latter part of the day. God, give me strength to battle these mortal idiots! Sheesh! I went to the office early, only to feel a little disappointed. Nakakamiss din pala si tanga (In fairness, may sense naman palang kausap itong taong ito. He's just a little misunderstood.)! Hahaha! I wish more people would get to know him more the way his real personality is slowly unfurling before my eyes. Then prolly, life wouldn't be so prejudiced. So cotton-mouths, stop spreading herpes (if you don't get this, read my earlier entry)! I miss Ces. I wish she didn't quit. In a way, I'm blaming myself for not being able to console her. I don't want to point fingers but liars really suck! Argh! This is a red letter day! MY HATE DAY! So leave me to vent! Leave me with my angst, my bruised ego, my bleeding emotions, my sulking; for tomorrow, I gloat! Hole's Malibu September 14, 2004
Shadows
Posted at 02:42 AM  Welcome to Graveyard! I try to admonish myself that this is just a prelude to greater possibilities. But why do I still feel incomplete; as if there's still something missing? I know that I should feel ecstatic that I'm among my friends once more but I can't help but look back. Across the savanna, my other allies frolic under the sun; while I, wallow under the arms of Luna, enfolded by the crisp coldness of the freezing temperature. Sigh! Sigh! Sigh! I've tired of my old routines. Surfing for Royo nudities and mingling with familiar nicks in irc. I've tired of them all. Friendster no longer offers me release with its allusions and Deviant Art is but a mere pond I dip my toe into once in a while. The only consolation I have is the fact that I was able to talk to my fairygodmother this morning. We had a long chat in YM. I truly miss you, my bellydancing artist. I wish it were a different circumstance. That I could be the one who can just hop from country to country to visit my friends, but alas, my weary feet sets the limit. I should just content myself in tapping at these keys, hoping against hope that everything would be made better. If it were any other day, I would cry, "Sleep, claim me"! But this is not just another day. Alone is such a different world from lonely... credits: image is from odical of shadowness community Rice's Blood Canticle Switchfoot's Dare You To Move September 15, 2004
Under The Glass Moon
Posted at 06:15 AM 2nd day, Graveyard. I'm still not used to my new schedule and the dark bags are threatening to swell. Apollo's sweet voice was comforting except for the last few words that shattered my final sanity. Thanks! That's really comforting!*sarcastic grin* Someday, I will be able to give your mind clarity on things. But it will not be this night. You are away; alee with other nymphs in the sparkling stream. Tomorrow, perhaps... It was all downhill from there. Or not! Cai, Glyphed, and Liz asked me out to Dencio's to celebrate...er...payday?! Ces came along to celebrate her liberty. Or that's how I see it. Fair tidings, my friend. Here's wishing you all the best! Mwah! I wish Phunatik, Cyrrem, Ms. Hathor, and Adonis a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty could join us. But their hands are tied to previous obligations -- slumber, amour and other mortal toil. Next time... Quick Thought: I find it really sweet when Demet comes in for work and greets me, "Hi, Tay2x." Reminds me of the good ole days. *lingering smile* ================================================ A song most appropriate for the mood... Pieces Of Me by Ashley Simpson On a Monday, I am waiting Tuesday, I am fading And by Wednesday, I can't sleep Then the phone rings, I hear you And the darkness is a clear view Cuz you've come to rescue me Fall... With you, I fall so fast I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts Ohhhhh It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real I like the way that feels Ohhhhh It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself I love how you can tell All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me I am moody, messy I get restless, and it's senseless How you never seem to care When I'm angry, you listen When youre happy, it's a mission And you wont stop 'til I'm there Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast Well, I hit that bottom Crash, you're all I have Ohhhhh It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real I like the way that feels Ohhhhh It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself I love how you can tell All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me How do you know everything I'm about to say? Am I that obvious? And if it's written on my face... I hope it never goes away... yeah n a Monday, I am waiting And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms... So I can breathe Ohhhhh It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real I love the way that feels Ohhhhh It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself I love how you can tell Ohhhhh I love how you can tell Ohhhhh I love how you can tell All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me... September 17, 2004
Blase'
Posted at 01:07 PM I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about what you think of me -- if you seem to think that my emotional growth is some kind of freak mutation or if you think that this new kind of liberty is an escape for a more sinister plot to undo your sense of stability. I’m tired of thinking what other people might think, what you might think, or what other people might think about us. I don’t care about old drunken pleasures nor do I care about faded tempting promises. I weary of these boring platitudes. Give me something new. Give me something original. Give me anything before the final wick turns to ash. I don’t care anymore. I’ve stopped caring about myself a long time ago, so why should I start caring about what other people feel. Call me selfish, inconsiderate, call me bitter, call me dry. My new name is uncaring. So what? I’ve willed my beating mass to stop throbbing. I don’t care anymore. So what if I cry myself to sleep each night your face mirrors in my dreams? So what if this contemplation lasts for eternity? So what if last night's earthquake brought me into a conclusion that my first thoughts and final prayers were of and for you? So what if I know that I will never love anyone as much as I’ve loved you? So what? I don’t care anymore. I no longer want to feel. I want to be left alone. My mind is already saturated with reveries. No need to share me yours. Stop sinking my ship. I’ve tried saving too many people from their own monsters. I want this moment to save myself. It will be eons before you could take it from my lifeless greedy grip. I want to be lost in this vicious cycle. Let me splurge. Let me bask. And in the end, let me gloat. I don’t care anymore. F*ck! Wala nanamang tulugan! Anne Rice'sBlood Canticle Jeff Buckley's Opened Once September 21, 2004 Posted at 06:11 AM Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments, love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no, it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; t is the star to every wand'ring bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come, Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom: If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. -- William Shakespeare. Sonnet #116. September 24, 2004 Posted at 03:03 AM I wish to write about happy times, of children propping themselves on dry leaves, of impulsive road trips, of clear facets of glass prisms, Royo nudities, white sand beaches, of first kisses, of intense lovemaking. I wish to capture the fleeting moments and bottle them up in contemplation. I miss myself humming and smiling to myself whenever some of the little pleasures cross my mind, waving, smiling, calling my name -- join us, let's frolick in the mud! I am turned to moments of disquietude during ungodly hours. Melancholy, being an unwelcome bedfellow. What happened to life and its promises? What happened to wit, i am surrounded by mortal idiots. September 26, 2004 Posted at 10:12 PM My answer to this. The memory of how love and friendship held hands that night still hasn't left my mind. We were dreamers, silently whispering love's urgings. Our friends were obliviously claimed by slumber while we, on the other hand, chose to spend the night talking about the hope of sunrise. I would be lying if I told you that I do not contemplate on the old feelings -- although, it would please me to feel that bliss once again. I miss the old "us" just as much as you miss it. Maybe far greater than you'll ever do. I miss your smile and how brightly it illuminates the room when you come in. I miss being the apt pupil and you, my ardent tutor. I miss your gentle touch, it's magic gently weaving its spell. But alas, I will never feel that touch again. I will never be the same. Not after what happened. Do not mistake growth as something alien and that which cannot be tamed. The most beautiful things are honed to perfection, not born. I wish that you would let me teach you that beauty. You've taught me once that situations change. The only difference is who's steering the wheel. It pains me to see you turn away from me even as I've been casually following you. I never left your side. I was always here. I'm still your old cris. I'm still "me". The little girl just reallized she wanted the blue bow instead of the pink one. But she still needs your guidance. You are her firmament of strength, her mentor. But if you decide to walk, then walk you must. She will follow, but in smaller steps. The journey took a lot from her. She is not as strong as you. I do not know how you feel about "us". But my affections remain as they were when I was just watching you from a distance. Will our paths cross again? They never will. I've always been walking in parallel but you never notice. We can no longer recognize each other when we talk because we only echo our differences nowadays. It would be an all too boring existence if we just bottled ourselves up with sweet nothings. We never changed into separate individuals. We've always been 2 unique entities. Our individuality keeps us sane. Letting ourselves be consumed by the pyre will reduce us to ashes. I would never allow you to lose your own identity and I am sure that you won't allow it either. I just want you to accept my entirety, flaws and perfection. The tide recedes from the shore but it always laps back to cleanse the sands. I know that there is no "drifting apart" not unless you allow it. Do not ask me for forgiveness. Don't you know me at all? Words are just words, sweet prince. It is what we feel that makes us free. September 30, 2004
I'm Back In The Game!!!
Posted at 10:23 PM It's been a long time since I last wrote anything worthwhile. I've been grumbling and groaning for the past few weeks, and now, I've got my groove back! My Saturday schedule is packed. I even have that trip to Antipolo scheduled. *Ultimate Excitement* My friends have been really supportive and I feel really loved. I just have to shave off a few excess baggage and I'm back in the game. Saw Endymion a few times in Paseo, which is always a pleasure. (It always is). It's just too bad that we only have a few moments to spare for chitchat. Mukha ba akong malungkot? Bakit?! Hahaha! Honestly, this question amuses me. Why in the world would I look melancholic? First, it's payday! Mapaldo nanaman ang lola mo, so the big question is...BAKIT?! Second, my week sched has been all but benign. Plenty of things to do. Plenty of extra time to do a little sideline. *Grins Greedily*. Third, and I'm hoping I'm not boring you with these platitudes (spare me your patience, I'm just really on the "go" right now...so let me ratatat away); I've gained a lot of new friends. Nakakatuwa talaga! Marami palang nagmamahal sa akin. Touched! Fourth, I've been assigned as dedicated VIP until Saturday, so no calls for me. Hurray, sleepy time! I've lured some of my old friends to play basketball every night before I go to the office. Hopefully, this will render me alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic ala-Chona! I've 'been droopy eyes since the start of my new sched, so hopefully, since I'm too tamad to go to the gym, basketball (my second love) would come to my aid. More to come! ================================================ "Inflatable" by Bush Let it slide Overhead When i believe in you My soul can rest But as love It's really love It never fails But fail it does When we shine Like the sun You seem the only one My only friend [Chorus] So pretty in white Pretty when you're faithful So pretty in white Pretty when you're faithful When you're faithful I resigned From myself Took a break As someone else It's like i've come undone And i've only just become Inflatable for you [Chorus] I don't mind Most of the time But you push me so Far inside [Chorus]Inflatable by Bush |
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