'Been tapping at these keys for hours. I've only gone from half a fragment and then redoing everything again and again. What the hell is wrong with me?! I know it's not the hormones. It's not the bad weather whipping at my face the whole night. I know that it's never these things that bog me down. And then the answer comes in a blinding reallization. Pride. Questions -- answered in fleeting jargons and yet they have no concrete answer. Again, I'd like to go back into darkness, where everything is senseless and where I can just bask in the feeling of what was almost is. Don't ask me why I do not smile, why I keep my silence. Everything is clear so what are the questions for? Do not gloat. Do not show me the window. I've been there, and I know how it felt, how it still feels. Emotions cannot be contained and it cannot be kept in a single conversation, an ephemeral smile that quickly fades as soon as a name is uttered. I am in woe, to put it bluntly. I do not need your alms of gloating questions. I was naked for that particular moment and I bared my soul. You know me. As much as you deny it, you know me. Questions are meant for those who want to dissert an unwelcome event. If ever there was someone who needed to interrogate then that person is she who doesn't know the answer. Do not mock me with your cruel words, your insensitive facade. I'm in woe. If it is as easy for you, then keep in mind, we are two different entities. I miss my old self. I miss taking off my shoes and frollicking in the mud, shouting in glee. I miss how timid I was. I miss my innocence. I miss the chaos, the contemplations and waking hours full of reveries. I guess, Gay is right. Although I try to be every person's savior, I'm not supposed to be. I wasn't built that way.

Rant and Rave