Drowning Pool
Posted at 04:05 AM
When we're alone, we remember the things we thought we forgot. And then we smile. The gentle feeling lingers for a while and fades as quickly as its thought is uttered. We feel the shadow's veil as we suddenly reallize, we are so alone. We sigh in dismay. But this is now. You say, "This is me living in the present and I am so miserable." Eros, take me away. Currently Listening To:
Currently Listening To:
Kitchie Nadal's Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin
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Entries for February, 2005February 3, 2005 February 3, 2005
Opaline
Posted at 05:59 AM I just have to blog this! Here I was, Idling in front of my station when Jacob came by to give me this cd.  Dishwalla's Opaline! Kaya mo eh! Muntik na akong maiyak! Tingnan mo nga at nagtatagalog na ako dito!  I've been egging my guy-friends who know their way around Makati, Quiapo, and Recto to buy me a copy of this cd. Pirated or not (I'm sorry, I don't care about this piracy crap). I'm just too happy to have received this from him. Much appreciation, Rocket Boy!!! February 4, 2005
Swans
Posted at 03:24 AM  Brooding through how people react and act on certain events, I've learned to make a queer analogy on certain things. Words are like lightning. And the aftermath of every word spoken is thunder. We sometimes say things that we really don't mean, simply because the situation calls for it. We do not pause to make some kind of psychoanalysis, nor do we stop to think about the tempest which springs from such illumination. Let me quote Advent on this one, "Let's speak of this in caveman terms." Words. They are uttered in the most careless manner. So free-willing. So naive. It's just words. What about it? Thunder blaring after lightning piercing through the most quiet skies would leave you thinking from your yesterdays to your far, far future. And that is what's most disquieting. I've learned that naked silence is always more disheartening and/or comforting than blunt retorts. Fair Ophelia, Floating by the stream, Placid beauty, Illuminated by the moon. She sleeps and floats, Across the winding river bank, Oblivious and naive, To the impending waterfalls. Why must I discontent myself with weeping and feeling remorse upon my current state? "You do not deserve this", a comrade says. Ophelia has already whispered to God's ear, Save me, I am in melancholy. No answer. The cool liquid cascades, Violent and then subtle, A lithe figure falls, And all is silent again. Let the tears fall. They are God's currency. Even if you don't get the best, you will still get something better because you were in melancholy for so long. ...Daylight Deity, don't ask me to question your grudges. The moon is silent during the sun's ascent. February 5, 2005
Waiting
Posted at 05:14 AM Peer into me. And in this throbbing mass, you will see me encased in glass, more fragile than a butterfly’s wings. It grows thinner as I slowly breathe into it, whispering my secret longings, cursing silently; when will it finally break? I’ve grown accustomed to the shackles that chain me to the ground. Chained, as I silently stare at the glittering stars which hang in proximity like a curtain of diamonds across the vast blue. Advent and I were talking at Seattle's Best this morning. I've finally come to a conclusion that it doesn't really matter if you're the kindest person in the planet, the most patient soul there is, the most caring being that walked this earth. Good people are destined to be alone. I feel that no matter how hard I try to make it work, men will always leave just because I'm too patient. It's not that they lack forbearance. It's just that my patience is longer than it's supposed to be... too long than what's supposed to be justifiable. Sweet Prince, when will you come? Drive By Kiss by Dambuilders I still see the two of us together when the winter wind blows cold you can't get lost as long as you remember if you know where the highway goes I may never find out where it is but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss And its wrong to think about forever when you know it doesn't last but if you try to run away from your memory you can't ever drive too fast You may never find out who it is but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss And it's a sad way to say hello but if you sleep it off, will you let me know? Say good-bye but don't let me go I may never find out where it is but i might reach you with a drive-by kiss say good-bye to part of me i miss with a drive-by kiss I didn't know it would come to this i hope i can say what i never did with a drive-by kiss February 8, 2005 Posted at 06:16 AM Oh Freak! I've ran out of webbies to surf! This is what happens when you're transferred to a new account that's too technical for customers to even bother tinkerin' with. 1 hour to go and I'll be logging off. 2 calls for the whole shift. What kind of work load is that?! I'm supposed to be sitting on my laurels and pampering myself with time (a lot of time) but I can't. Nakakabato! Argh! February 17, 2005
Where Shadows Dance
Posted at 05:48 AM  I couldn't sleep. I lay in bed for hours --blinking, halfly turning, squinting to blur the world which was awake, all around me. Still, I couldn't sleep. "Something terrible happened", my mind echoed like a mantra. Will I press the eager buttons and twist the wiry line around my bony fingers; eager and curious, while I wait in anticipation for that voice that would tell me you're okay? Or will I let my monsters come? ... and when I close my eyes, all my nightmares spring to life. frightful imps, my little monsters, unwelcome bedfellows. I decided to send an electronic message. No answer. pan was playing his wooden reeds. the little devils are amuck, tugging at my chains, causing me to stir, and yet they pin me to my bed. Feeble hands, Trembling hands, Pressing at the digits, With careful infinity. I asked you if you were okay. You answered in interrogative. It was as fine as any answer you could have given me. You were alright. It was enough. ... and when I wake, my eyes pop open. halfly in fright, halfly in frustration. i am chained to this wooden coffin, to ponder upon a single thought for all eternity. Are you okay? ======================================= The Abu Sayyafs struck again. Who's afraid of riding the bus? February 23, 2005
Just Breathe
Posted at 05:28 AM  Ghost Tree was asking why I had to write in cryptic? He told me, he's never 100% sure who I'm talking about in my latest entries. Does it matter? Isn't it enough to know that melancholy will inevitably be my lifetime partner? There are some things that are just too painful to say. Things that make you say, " These are the things that I never want to feel so long as I'm breathing. Sana mamatay na lang ako ". And you sometimes think, why do you have to endure this? Why do you have to put up with fate's cruelty, or swallowing your pride, or playing deaf to the trumpets that sound like bellfries giving you the signs that this might not be the person for you. Still you hack it, you try to make it work. You try so hard that the floodgates drain you empty -- wanting and waiting. And when the time comes that you finally feel that momentary greatness, you try too hard to preserve it. You try too hard, you're no longer happy. For such perseverance cannot be reciprocated by someone who can only offer you as much. There is no rush for the rest of the world. But since you're on a mission, everything becomes too technical. Parang factory ng Barbie doll. Ay, 'di pantay ang mata. Reject! Tabingi ang kamay. Reject! Sa bawat pagkakataon na ibigay sa iyo, lagi na lang may mali. When will you stop, and just breathe? February 25, 2005 Posted at 02:35 AM Did I order extra weirdness today? I don't remember. I was roused from slumber by a message from the King of Illumination. I filed PTO to surround myself with nonchalant ideas, lulling television shows (even aquarium channel), and other boring platitudes just to rest these wearry orbs. Badtrip na loser sched yan! But I guess, there is truly no rest for the wicked. Nakakarma na yata ako. I remember trying to hold myself back, forcing myself to look away when you're near, and trying to bury the good things into forgetfulness. Insensitivity and mockery is enough, I told myself. Pero tanga ako. Ganun talaga. I cannot play deaf to the drums that rattle my heart no matter how hard I psych myself. This is who you are. This is who we are. No expectations. I'm wondering, where your mind is fleeting right now, queer wonder? Just a little nudge, and I'm off the cliff. Would you be there to catch me, or will you continue wandering through these restless days? Bilog ang mundo. I could hear Mundiya playing in the background. And now, I need to stop babbling. My seatmate, Ivan the Whore just arrived. May pag-tritripan na ako! *evil grin*  -------------------------------------------------------------------------- epilogue: Time is precious. I am never the one to spend it toiling with moronic embellishments. To Crevice: Friendships are treasured. Don't make me hate the fact I ever introduced you to my circle of friends. I'm not a mortal idiot. Who are you trying to kid? Do not stay because you want to rekindle something that never was. You know how I feel about him who curves a smile in this pallid face. I was always transparent. Tigilan mo na. This is getting to be tiring. February 26, 2005 Posted at 02:08 AM Hahaha! I was brooding through other people's webbie's when I chanced upon this little entry. I dunno if you're familiar with this RPG, but this really reminds me of someone I know. |
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