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Entries for August, 2005August 4, 2005
Posted at 12:57 PM
Remember me when I am gone and far away
Gone Far away into the silent land
When you can no longer hold me by the hand
Nor do I half-turn to go, yet turning stay
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell one of our future that you planned
Only remember me! You understand
It will be too late to counsel then or pray
But if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember do not be sad
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of thoughts I once had
Better by far that you should forget and smile
Than you should remember and be sad.
August 15, 2005
Posted at 12:24 AM
Eager Imps,
I'm back! Back to the roiling waves of existence. So what's new, aside from dislocating a thumb four weeks ago, visiting old friends from the old coven and getting bangs? Oh, nothing much... Just some thoughts on growing up.
Here I am, idling...
You could probably guess where this dark muse has been wandering this past month. 'Been roaming Neverland and *poof*, one day I just decided to go back.
More to come...
August 21, 2005
Posted at 05:24 PM
I'm posting this here. It made me smile... a bit. It's funny how life tickles you with the obvious.
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or-
Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest
things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it re quires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say
good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you
never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you d o if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
People live, but people die. And I want to tell you that you are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?
We might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life, I look up t o you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this note and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.
August 21, 2005
Paperdolls
Posted at 07:08 PM
I am clinging. Not letting the fire go out and lose its irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not quite, the not yet, the not-at-all. Slumped in lonely frustration for the life I deserve, but have never been able to reach.
The world I desire cannot be won.
It does not exist,
It is unreal,
It is impossible,
It will never be mine.
I should repeat this like a mantra. Say it like a loon. Scream it like a banshee. That, I may never forget...
I love you. That was my last ticket to absolution. And now, I will forever roam limbo. Nothing comforts me now but the ineffable silence that was never there before, silence that has rooted itself from keeping too many secrets. And for what? That we may find ourselves hurting each other by drawing weapons wielded from what we truly are?
I was never the one to want more,
But I wish I was smarter,
So that I can understand you,
So that I won’t feel helpless,
So that I can make you happy,
So that in a way...
... you’ll know I exist.
I fell in love with the paper doll without even looking at its porcelain cousin. It was perfect. You were perfect.
Currently Reading:
August 25, 2005
Posted at 08:13 PM
the winds would be stirring softly tonight.
no exhilirating billows breaking on the shore.
no happy play of shadows in the dark.
advent is sick.
my doppelganger is alee,
strapped in a hospital bedchamber to wail in painful loneliness.
get well soon my arial twin.
the dark muse misses you.
August 31, 2005
Salt Lake
Posted at 01:38 AM
I'm not too proud about a lot of things in my life.
A lot of times, I try to sleep off certain events in this swirl.
But when pain is most unbearable, I try to numb myself of existence.
Believe it or not, I've learned to endear the most important person in your life.
But what gives me the right?
She is of course, your bestfriend first and foremost.
So what gives me the right to poke my nose into your business?
Saying, "I just want things to be okay between you two" seems too assuming; ambitious even for someone who's nothing, unexistent.
And if reasons like wanting to make things better for you, loving the people enamored to you, or simply wanting your happiness are not good-enough-reasons, then nothing would ever be suffice logic.
No,Erato is not too eager to write her own tragedy,
Nor does she bask when rained on by spite.
No she does not.
She will never be because she was not built that way.
Gone will be the days when you hear the muse talk of inspirations.
They will never come.
The muse has left the stream,
To leave the taste of salt in the frozen liquid.
Currently Listening To:
Lifehouse's Blind
August 31, 2005
Posted at 06:10 PM
An ocean would not make a difference. The story of my life...
Come Back Down
Lifehouse
Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
and everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide
All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on
When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through
Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside
I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong
When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through
You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through
I won't be the one that lets go of you
I think it's time to just move on
When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through
When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through
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