9:51 post sunset. Salt rose candles in the unnerving air. Just got off the phone. A very promising conversation. And, yes. I could still talk like an insatiable well of thought, listening with cognition and digesting to retaliate. I put away all my childish illusions and babbled; like a child learning to talk for the first time. All along, I wondered about my gothic prince. Will he come out of the shadows and share the same sentiments as to what these moving tapestries might offer? I still wonder.

"The condom is the glass slipper of our
generation. You slip it on, you dance
the night away with a stranger, and then
you throw it away - the condom, that is,
not the stranger."

- From the Movie: The Fight Club

Just got home from meandring with the beautiful people. Saw a lot of old friends including Da Mowdel. Derrick's team almost won. Oh, well! There'll always be a next time, Bex.

Had lunch with Ian and Becky. Ikot-ikot, muni-muni. I saw the perfect ring. I've been looking for a turquoise ring for a long time but what I found was better. It's a pale pink cubic zirconium in silver. Now, I'm really motivated to find work. Hehehe!

Since my gothic prince and I are no longer with the old company, we pass the crown of excellence to Advent. And since my bestfriend loves me so much, he decided to share his gift cheque and bought Mexicali pizza, little oscar, carrot loaf and coffee from Figaro in Greenbelt. Slowly, he's convincing me to quit smoking. Mas masarap palang kumain.

Went on DVD marathon with the sun god after. The Green Mile is a good film. Though I seriously wouldn't trade my love for Great Expectations nor City of Angels.

All in all, my day wasn't that bad. *smiles*

How can I close my eyes when I am this upset?!

I am wearry of man always being ugly to his fellows, of the gardener obsessively compulsive about growing weeds, of a single carnation plucked from a bed of roses, of bees buzzing simply because they are intended to and it is their nature.

I want peace. 'Tis my time for healing. But slowly, as I descend upon a shallow grave I am beckoned like a restless spirit to roam and wonder why man, by nature is full of discontent.

A panda told a tourist who wants to take its picture, "Okay, go ahead. But I want it in black and white."

To my true friends who've always known me to be the cream and and jet black panda with a streak of jade (or mint green, if that is how you want to put it), thank you for never judging me.

Why man does it, is a thought I will forever ponder. All the answers in the world have made me deaf.

Why, I wonder, someone never opens his mouth during times of destitution, is a question not based on morality but of real friendship. Friends tell, even if uttering it means oblivion.

And that is why, those who have no weight whatsoever on my happiness, may very well continue on their predicament. I am still me to my friends. And that is what's important.

I've been spending a lot of time talking to my doppelganger. We talk about nothing... sometimes, about everything. It does not really matter who's story it is nor does it matter who's turn it is to wind the clock with his/her clever concoctions.

I am thankful that I have my Derrick. He keeps me grounded and fills my world of sorrow with so much blithe, I seldom thread the shores of disquietude. He offers me answers; and if not, consolation to shuffle off this mortal coil and solve the riddle that pursues me in this dark place that leaves my mind perplexed, like a cheat deceived or a fool at some imagined wrong. I strain my eyes ahead to the far shore. I stay on the doubt with yes or no dividing all my heart to hope and fear. But nonetheless, I know I will always be safe.

Random Pics (Don't forget to mouse-over ):


Mag-posing lang, bago kumain.


Pizza Hut Park Square
- sanctuary for the forlorn and hungry!


I'm sorry, mahinhin talaga kami!


Kasama ko ang kaibigan kong
paparazzi sa Greenbelt. Bwiset!


Si Kagandahan at ang Queen

 
How do you know, you've met a friend you can truly grow old with? There's no palpable answer to that. Fate just has a wonderful way of smiling with us.

Last night, I was contemplating about Derrick; of how and his current love might end up together. Although eternal bliss can only be attained in as far as the mind can reach when it comes to "gay relationships" I know, that we might end up with the same, cruel fate. And so, I worried my eyes and tried to connect the lines on my left palm. Friends always ask me to read their palms but I fear too much to read my own doting future. And so, a first for me! I will fall in love twice in my lifetime, but always, it will be full of trials. I will always think that I’ve bled myself dry, but in truth, I will forever be an unfathomable well of strength. "That's good," I thought. I even shared this reverie with Derrick earlier. I half-jokingly asked him if he was willing to be a sperm donor if ever I was not to marry. "What a wonderful thought" -- we buried ourselves in mirth. A child with beauty and intellect! Hahaha! Luv you, Bex.

As for thoughts on when will it ever be my turn to break someone's heart? Well, I don't dwell in that sorry little place anymore for I know that that person will never be me. I was created to do grander things, so there!

Random Thoughts:

• I am not a strict Catholic but I am so thankful to God, he gave me Derrick. He is everything that is lacking in my life – a smile during forlorn moments, a healthy debate, an intellectual conversation, and a dissertation on human horniness.
• I am lucky to be good friends with all my exs’.
• I am happy to have met him – one of the truest people I’ve ever met.
• Sketching will always be my sanctuary.
• Reading is for those with insatiable thirst for knowledge.
• Tama ako, Derrick! Walang polar bear sa South Pole! Wehehe!
  
• Gusto kong sumali sa Game Ka Na Ba. Pramis!
• No more crying. Period!
• I want to be content. But I can’t when I’m destined for greater things! (O di ba?! Spoken ala-Derrick, with matching twist ng hair into pigtails ala-Jinggay! Kaya ko, eh! Wahahaha!)